This is kind of embarrassing, but my boyfriend is my best friend, he's the only one I can call a friend, really. In my defense, he's a very good friend! And one with benefits at that, can you imagine? He's kind, and funny and he always puts a smile on my face when I'm feeling down. I've never felt as loved or as cared for as I do by him. I ow him for life for helping me, and saving me from my self-induced destruction.
I guess there are certain problems when the only person you have in your life is your boyfriend, and I know I have to be prepared for a life without him, even though I don't even want to think about it. I just feel more secure with a boyfriend than with people who are just your friends. You can't be sure whether your friends actually like you or not, or at least I can't, and I never could. You can be sure that your boyfriend likes you though, you have an agreement, if he didn't like you you would've broken up.
Still, not having friends is something that I'm very sad about, and I feel like going here is kind of an escape, because until today I haven't thought about my friendlessness. Even if I had them back home, there's not much I can do when I'm not even in the country, and I don't really have the feeling of it being my fault when I'm here, because how can I socialize when I'm not even in the country?
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